I wrote the goodbye letter for my family like I told Dr. Selzer I would. I snapped a photo of each page for my Cloud (in case I lived) and sealed it in the envelope. I gave it to his grad student and went off to lose some organs. Two days later she came into my room and handed me back my letter and I asked if he was okay with the letter I had scribbled for him; I don’t think he ever smiled or laughed, not that I saw at least. She said he laughed so much and showed it around and then asked the OR Room tech to put it in his bag.

I obviously don’t want to mention what I put in the letter because some things are only meant to be seen after you’re gone. I try so hard to get up everyday and repeat to myself “Be grateful damn it, be grateful.” So, if I seem unappreciative at times it’s because I am at that moment, shit. Some days I think that trading one set of problems for a new set is like a mouse on a wheel….


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