Written: 6/13/15

It’s 2:00 in the morning on the day of our wedding and I can’t sleep. This last year has been one of the most difficult for me but you have remained an oak, so strong and you took on my burdens as your own. You know some of the most terrible things about me, the pain I’ve caused others, the pain others caused me, the lies I’ve told, the drugs I used, the way I used men as a replacement for love…..and you still love me somehow. I feel so undeserving of a man as magnificent as you. You have managed to remove those broken pieces of my soul and replaced them with your kind words and your gentle touch. I have never met anyone as exquisite as you, the way you’re able to maintain composure at the most trying times is something I admire and wish I was capable of. Every time I want to give up and quit, every time I want to skip a doctor’s appointment or skip a blood test, every time I want to avoid surgery…you are there to list the many reasons I have to keep going; and at the top of that list, it’s you. I waited so long to find you….I never thought I would. I waited so long to experience real happiness….I never thought I would. I waited so long to hear someone tell me they loved me and know it as fact. There hasn’t been a single day since I met you that I have questioned whether what we have is the real thing. You have awakened a part of me that I never knew was there, a part of my soul and a part of my very being. I have loved you from the moment you stepped out of that cab in Baltimore, I knew as soon as you closed the door that my life would never be the same. I prayed, for the first time in a very long time, that you and I would find our way to each other permanently. I know the situation in which we met was not ideal and that we hurt two other people, but I don’t ever regret that. You spent years with a loveless woman who didn’t deserve to share your name and I spent years with an abuser who didn’t deserve to share the same air I breathe. I am so excited to become your wife in a few hours; so excited to walk down that aisle and see you standing there and know that every horrible step is going to be replaced with amazing journeys and a lifetime of love. The way you love my children is…..beautiful. The two of them love you so very much and I feel so blessed that you have come into their lives, because they needed you as much as I did. They have been through so much hurt and witnessed fist fights firsthand….they saw things children should never have to see. In the short time we’ve been together we have done more wonderful things than they’d ever done prior. You show them respect, love, discipline, loyalty…..you have shown Jordan what a real man does to take care of the woman he loves and that is something I couldn’t ever have done and something his father has no interest in doing. They see our happiness and in turn it makes their lives that much better. With all the medical concerns we have and will continue to have I find comfort knowing that if something were to happen to me you would continue to be their father and that is worth more than all the riches in this world. You amaze me more every day and I can’t possibly fully express my gratitude and appreciation for you. I will love you every second, every minute, every hour, every day of whatever life I have left and into my next lifetime. You are my perfect mate, my one and only love, my strength, my confidant and my friend. I know that my past is sketchy and could be considered “high risk”, but I guarantee that I will never be untrue, unfaithful or ungrateful for you. My adoration for you is so deep and rich in love…..I am so happy that I chose to have that surgery a year ago, because marrying you is all I’ve ever wanted to do and now I’m healthy enough to do that. You truly do complete me…I love you now, I’ve always loved you and I will continue to love you forever.

Your very-soon-to-be wife,




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